911----You Need What?

I seriously think people have lost their minds. Fox News reports that an Alliance, Ohio woman called 911 this week, drunk and in search of a husband. (Didn't people used to go to bars for that?) Anyway, Here's a transcript of "Audrey" as she ramps up her search for Mr. Right.


Drunk, desperate Audrey: “Get me that husband.”

911 operator: “You need to get a husband?”

Drunk, desperate Audrey: “Yes.”

911 operator: “Do you know you can get arrested for dialing 911?”

Drunk, desperate Audrey: “Let’s do it.”

911 operator: “You want to get arrested for dialing 911?”

Drunk, desperate Audrey: “Absolutely.”

Audrey was arrested and spent three days in jail. Talk about "Looking for love in all the wrong places." As I read this I thought that surely this was just one sad woman with an obvious drinking problem, but upon further research, what I found in regards to fake 911 calls was just bizarre.

It was just a couple of weeks ago that a 32-year old Pasco, Florida man repeatedly called 911 because his mother stole his beer. My favorite comment from boingboing.net that posted the story? One reader complained that we shouldn't take this lightly. In his opinion, mothers nationwide need to be warned that stealing your kid's beer is a criminal offense.

There are tons of them. The best? (or worst in this case) Squidoo.com reports that back in 2003 an elderly woman called 911 frantic because her mailman was passed out on the floor. The call went something like this:

Dispatcher: 911, how may I help you?

Woman Screaming: Help! Help!

Dispatcher: Calm down Ma'am, What is the problem?

Woman still hysterical: My mailman is passed out on the floor and I don't think he's breathing!

Dispatcher: Allright Ma'am, I've dispatched an ambulance

Woman: Hurry, he just blinked his eyes but I still don't think he's breathing

Dispatcher: Ma'am, perhaps he just fainted

Woman: No, no, I gave him a scratch off lottery ticket and he fell to the floor!

Dispatcher: Well he was probably just in shock

Woman (still screaming) No, he won $200-thousand dollars and I was so mad, I hit the (bleep, bleep) in the face with a frying pan!

I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts. Hmmm, perhaps I should call 911?

Better not.

While dialing 911 is a serious matter, and people who misuse the system should be arrested, you just have to laugh at how far people will go.(or how far alcohol will take them). Since I've heard the term "Wacky Wednesday" overused by advertisers, let's call today just that. I'm looking for wacky 911 calls. Post them here. I'm sure my cop friends will have some that will make the above look tame.